Being Okay with Not Being Okay

Somewhere along the way, many of us picked up the idea that mature people should always have it together. Leaders should be confident! Parents should know what they're doing! People of faith shouldn't struggle!

If you've been successful for long enough, surely life eventually settles down and everything starts making sense, at least that's what we tell ourselves. The truth is, I've never met anyone whose life works that way. I've met people who lead large organizations, build successful businesses, raise wonderful families and carry incredible responsibility. Every single one of them has had seasons where they felt uncertain. Some questioned decisions they'd made, some felt overwhelmed and others wondered if they were still on the right path.

The difference wasn't that they avoided those moments it was that they learned not to hide from them. For a long time I thought strength meant always having the answer, now I think strength often looks much quieter than that. Sometimes it looks like admitting you're tired, or asking for help. Other times it looks like saying, "I honestly don't know what the next step is yet." That doesn't make you weak, it makes you honest. And honesty has a strange way of opening doors that pretending never can.

One of the dangers of trying to keep everything together is that we spend so much energy protecting the image that we never deal with the reality. We convince ourselves we'll slow down after this project or we'll deal with our marriage once work settles. We'll process our grief later and we'll spend more time with God when life becomes less busy.

The problem is that "later" has a habit of becoming years.

I've learnt that growth rarely begins when everything is under control. It usually begins when we're willing to acknowledge what isn't.

Not with guilt.

Not with shame.

Simply with honesty.

"I'm exhausted."

"I'm anxious."

"I'm disappointed."

"I'm carrying more than I can keep carrying."

Those are not signs that you've failed , they're often the beginning of wisdom. Because once something is brought into the light, you can finally do something about it.

I've found that God does some of His deepest work in people who stop pretending because He has always worked with honest hearts. Perhaps being okay with not being okay simply means giving yourself permission to tell the truth about where you are today, while still believing you won't stay there forever.

There is hope in that and not because the struggle disappears overnight but because you no longer have to carry it alone.

Reflection

If you stopped trying to convince everyone that you were fine, what would you finally be honest enough to admit to yourself? And what might change if you started there?